Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
