u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
