Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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