I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
