How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We were destined to go to rehab together
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
