I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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