I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
