my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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