I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
