maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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