she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Farmville is her only friend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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