Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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