loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
