Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
