Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
