I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
