You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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