it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
