mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
