R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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