plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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