i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
