I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
