some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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