I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize