grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They have beer where we have blood.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
