Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
