I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
