fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize