he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
