The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
