i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
