I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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