I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize