Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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