Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
