can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
