I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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