i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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