From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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