I think my vagina is haunted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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