we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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