My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
