my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
