standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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