btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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