okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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