Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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