You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
