Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
