I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
