I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
