I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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