he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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