my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You ate ashes out of my bong
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
