Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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