naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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