Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize