so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
