A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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