Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
