i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
