either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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