from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
