Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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