Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
