I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
