Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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