i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
