I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
