Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what day is it and did you see me today?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
