Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
